Self Will

“Don’t care how, I want it now!”

Veruca Salt

I have been a single parent from the beginning. No husband to run to Kroger for ice cream or talk to the baby in my belly. No loving partner to quell my fears of motherhood or the birth process. No father of my child to coach me in the delivery room.

God knew the desires of my heart, right?   He wasn’t going to leave me in this place of single parenthood. I started trying to manifest this man.  I visualized a third person, a step dad, a husband. He would show up in our lives when my son was still a toddler. Our little family.

When my son was 3 years old, I started earnestly looking.  Match.com became my new addiction. I worked that website like it was my job.  Every night I scoured the site, searching out the perfect husband and step father.

What made me so singularly focused, so obsessed? Self will. I wanted what I wanted when I wanted it. If it was going to be it was up to me.  I had to make it happen.

Self will stole my toddler’s third year from me. And I can’t get it back.

The lesson here: wait. Wait on God. He always delivers.

Just for Today

Today I will take a close look to see where I imposing my will in my life instead of waiting on God.

Prayer

God, today I ask that you reveal to me where I am trying to run the show; where I’m running out ahead of you and trying to make things happen.  Help me to trust in your timing.  Give me strength and courage to wait for your perfect will in my life.