Perseverance must finish its work so that you are whole and complete and lacking nothing.
(James can bite me.)
“I want something to change; I’m sick of this. I am irritable. I am frustrated. I am disappointed. I am annoyed. I am uncomfortable.” The text from my best friend read. My sassy Irish friend said the same thing. “I want this to be over. I want to be able to do what I want.” My New Yorker friend echoed all of the same sentiments.
I am tired of coronavirus. Please don’t get your hackles up and judge me. I am not lessening the impact that the virus. I’m just sharing what a lot of us are feeling. Remember, kids; we aren’t alone in this whole pandemic thing. By very definition, we are all on this ride together.
And it’s making me despondent.
It’s ok to be despondent. It’s ok to be frustrated, annoyed, irritable, disappointed, uncomfortable. It’s ok to wish that our kids could graduate with their class. It doesn’t make us heartless a-holes if we just want to browse the racks at TJ Maxx.
How can we cope with this fatigue?
We accept that we are tired of it. We may have a shitty attitude. It’s ok. Acceptance isn’t the same as absolution. We don’t have to condone the stuff, we have to accept the stuff.
I wish I could give you a bulleted list of the things that will take away the fatigue. But I can’t take away your fatigue any more that I can remove my own. I can give you my coping list.
Although I don’t know how well it’s working since I want to tell everyone to bite me and leave me alone. While concurrently wanting to be held and having my hair stroked and assured that everything would be alright.
But here it goes:
Prayer and Meditation
As soon as I’m consciously awake, I pray. Well, I bitch to God. I whine like a 14-year-old. Then I sit still and try to let my mind rest. I try to allow my HP to fill me up with Her/ His Goodness and Light. (Yeah, yeah, yeah, woo-woo malarkey. Whatever…
Leading me to my next point)
I try not to judge.
Some people are demonstrating in their state capital; some are wearing masks while jogging alone, some aren’t wearing masks and are going to the grocery store with impunity. Some watch CNN, and some watch Fox News. I try not to have opinions. It’s safer and keeps my irritability down.
Pay attention to it all: the clouds, the trees, the shredded chicken in the crockpot. Today I noticed that the branches of the trees sway in the wind while to trunk stays steady and secure. It reminds me to root down into my foundation- I find it in Christ. But you can find it anywhere you want as long as it’s not changeable like money, politics, or work.
Act as if you trust your God
Never mistake God’s delays as his/her denials. Just wait.
(I know, I don’t want to wait anymore either).
Just for today
I will accept my corona fatigue. I will be ok with not being ok. I will be honest with how I’m feeling and not try to change it through alcohol, food, drugs, people, work, busy-ness, or even cockeyed optimism.
God, I’m sick of this shit. Please help me to stay in today. Show me your grace and your mercy and grant me the courage to accept my frustration and humanity. Show me that you are trustworthy. Fill me with your peace and your assurances that all things will work out in time.